Better to choose what you say, then to say what you choose.

One nuclear bomb could ruin your whole day.

Synonym: A word you can use when you can't spell the other.

You weren't here and I couldn't spit, so I left, you little twit.

Tolerance: The art of putting up with people who aren't as perfect as you.

Once, I thought I was wrong, but, I was mistaken!!

In the presence of trouble, some people grow wings. Others buy crutches.

When satan reminds you of your past, remind him of his future.

Experience: The ability to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

The big print giveth, and the small print taketh away.

Don't allow youself to be a victim. Always be a surviver.

Take good care of me. I'm hard to replace!!

Life is a one way street, and we are not coming back.

Faith is seeing a rainbow in every teardrop.

If you want to feel rich, count all the things you have that money can't buy!!!

If we didn't laugh, we'd cry.

Happiness is not getting what you like, but liking what you get.

You can always tell a stubborn, bullheaded mule, But, you can't tell him much!

I used to believe in reincarnation...in my past life!!!

Too much of a good thing is wonderful!

It's kind of hard to understand why parents would spend the first two years trying to teach a child to speak, and then for the next sixteen years they try to get him to be quiet!!!!!!!!

It will be a great day when our schools get all the funding they need,

and the Air Force has to hold bake sales to buy a bomber.

Deficit-When you don't have as much as if you had nothing.

People can't take advantage of you if you don't allow it.

I'm not religious, I just love the lord.

Happiness is the presence of the Lord!

A man who would know GOD must give him time.

Never complain about what you permit.

God put me here on Earth to accomplish a certain number of

missions. Right now, I'm so far behind I'll never die!!!

If you are a friend or relative, leave your name and number at

the sound of the beep. If you are a bill collector or solicitor, leave your name and number at the sound of the dial tone.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could barely stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.

A person's true charactor is revealed by what he does when no one else is around.

If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.

Nothing arouses more false hope than the first four hours of a diet.

The problems that anger you the most are the problems God has assigned you to solve.

No Jesus, no peace. Know Jesus, Know peace.

If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything.

Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary.

Money is flat and meant to be piled up.

You have to start to know yourself so well that you begin

to know other people. A piece of us is in every person that we can ever meet.

Horse sense means seeing things two ways---how you want them to be and how they have to be.

Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man.

Love can achieve unexpected majesty in the rocky soil of misfortune.

Government is not the generator of economic growth; working people are.

The Lord gave you two ends. One for sitting and one for thinking. Your success depends on which one you use. Heads, you win. Tails, you lose.

If you're going in the wrong direction, God allows u-turns.

Our eyes are placed on the front because it is more important to look ahead than to look back.

Don't talk to chickens. They use fowl language.

Constipated---Can't pass a thing!

If the only tool you have is a hammer, you will tend to see every problem as a nail.

Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up!!

Don't follow me. I'm lost too!

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

Putting your best foot forward generally helps keep it out of your mouth.

When I retire, I'm going to move up north and drive slow in the left lane.

I know I have my faults, but, being wrong isn't one of them.

The light of the world has no power failures.

I'm so great I'm jealous of myself.

I'm not opinionated. I'm just always right.

All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.

One second of keeping your mouth shut

is worth an hour of explanation.

Memory: What we forget with.

When a relationship ends, it is because we have learned something from that person about ourselves.

Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers; it comes from being open to all the questions.

We are born with our eyes closed and our mouths open, and we spend our whole lives trying to reverse that mistake of nature.

Heredity is what sets the parents of a teen-ager wondering about each other.

All men think they can do it alone, but a real man knows there's no substitute for support, encouragement or a pit crew.

Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

The great gift of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you might never even introduce yourself to, had life not done it for you.

Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will supprise you with their ingenuity.

All the Constitution guarantees is the pursuit of happiness. You have to catch up with it.

You can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses. It's all how you look at it.

Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do something.

Money isn't everything... It can't buy poverty.

We can't hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own.

It's easier to break new resolutions then old habits.

The nice thing about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.

If you never budge, don't expect a push.

Well-timed silence is the most commanding expression.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.

Character consists of what you do on the third and forth tries.

Prayer is less about changing the world than it is about changing ourselves.

Once we realize that imperfect understanding is the human condition, there is no shame in being wrong, only in failing to correct our mistakes.

Adults are obsolete children.

Life is at its best when it's shaken and stirred.

He who sings frightens away his ills.

The nice thing about egotists is that they never talk about other people.

The great man is he who does not lose his child-heart.

Never does the human soul appear so strong and noble as when it forgoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury.

Time is slippery.

He who is afraid to ask is ashamed of learning.

Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of everyone else.

He who can't endure the bad will not live to see the good.

To make a long story short.....SNORE!!!!!!

People have gotten so thin-skinned these days that you can't kid about anything without being politically incorrect. Pretty soon, "knock-knock" jokes will be outlawed because they'll be deemed insensitive to people who don't have doorbells.

The problem with us christians today is that no one wants to kill us anymore.

When we work, we work. When we pray, God works!!!

It's not the load that breaks you down. It's the way you carry it.

Thou shalt find joy in each new day... even if thou must search until sunset.

I'm not OK. You're not OK. But that's OK.

If the rose at noon has lost the beauty it had at dawn, the beauty it had then was real. Nothing in the world is permanent, and we're foolish when we ask anything to last. But surely we're still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it.

The meek shall inherit the earth, but the lawers will get a lot in probate court.

If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.

A loud voice cannot compete with a clear voice, even if it's a wisper.

Everyone knows how to raise children, except those who have them.

It's impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Often the best thing about not saying anything is that it can't be repeated.

Life is not the destination, it's the trip.

Oh, that annoying time between naps!

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

A million dollars and a bail of hay will be worth the same on Judgement Day.

The heart has no secret which our conduct does not reveal.

Choice, not chance, determines human destiny.

Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back.